Day 22 - Love is Faithful

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. – Hosea 2:20

So we were just laying in bed, and I turned over and just told him... Levi, no matter what happens between us or in the world, I will always love you. He was like, I don't know where that came from, but I love you, too. It's funny how much just an "I love you" can make two people feel so connected. I think that in marriage, we kind of tend to forget to say it. That it is or should be implied. But just like in the beginning of a relationship, those "I love you"s are crucial.

Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God

Be intentional today about making time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one – a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. (Psalm 145:16)

So I'm blogging since I haven't in so long. But I have read the dares and done them, so I'm just writing here. I have been fairly good about doing this every day and making time, and let me tell you - It really has made a difference. I just really didn't realize that without God in our relationship, things aren't going to work. We can't fix it on our own when it's THAT broken.

Day Twenty - Love is Jesus Christ

Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.” Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?

While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. –Romans 5:6

This really resonates with me, especially today. I've been contemplating divorce. I can't stand Levi not talking to me, can't stand him not looking at me. I can't stand being this unhappy. But as I'm feeling like Levi is denying me, I can't help but thinking about all the times in my life that I've denied God. Today, God has reminded me that the reason why my marriage may not be successful right now is because both Levi and I are lacking God in our lives. And without Him, it's harder to get things done. Heck, it's next to impossible to get things done. I need to have faith in God, and trust in Him. I want our marriage to be successful - I don't want it to end! Through God, I know that is possible, and I know Levi and I can be loving again.

Day Nineteen - Love Is Impossible

Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?

This is impossible, but with God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)

A lot of it seemed impossible. Praying for the first time in ages and actually feeling like God heard me... Being nice and expecting nothing in return... All of these dares have been challenging in one way or another.. But through God, all of it is possible. And if I trust in Him, I can do it. I just seem to forget that too often. I just have to learn to trust in God 24/7, in all that I do.

Day Eighteen - Love Seeks To Understand

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. – Proverbs 3:13

This went interestingly... I did the whole she-bang and lit candles, etc. He was pretty surprised when he walked in, and we did sit down and eat, but when I tried to start up conversation or talk to him, he just wouldn't talk and wouldn't open up. So then I got frustrated, but remembered "Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate." So I just talked and he listened. I don't know what's up with him. :/

Day Seventeen - Love Promotes Intimacy

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9

This one is hard. I know that Levi has a lot of personal and internal struggles. And he used to open up to me all the time, but now I feel like I have to pry it out of him. It hurts me that he can't open up like that, but I know that I also put out a lot of hurtful words and say mean things about his past when I'm angry, which I know is bad... I know I need to be conscious about what things like that I say. I don't want to hurt him.

Day Sixteen - Love Intercedes

Begin Praying for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. – 3 John 2

My prayer is that Levi can feel like he can open up to me whenever he needs someone. I feel like in that sense, we don't go to each other first when we feel like we need to talk or we're upset. I also pray that I can be more understanding and less demanding when it comes to his feelings. I pray that God can impact his heart, because I feel like Levi hasn't felt His presence in a long time.

Day Fifteen - Love Is Honorable

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

I will also honor them and they will not be insignificant. (Jeremiah 30:19)

I was doing laundry earlier today, and usually I make Levi put away his own clothes, even if I'm in the room putting away my own. So why not just put away his so he didn't have to do it? I also cleaned up his mess from when he made breakfast this morning. And when he came home for lunch like he always does on Fridays, he did notice and he was very thankful. It was funny, because he went into the laundry room to get his clothes to put them up, and he was like... "Auss? Where are my clothes?" I told him I put them away, and he just raised his eyebrows, and was like, "You did?" It was pretty funny. But anyway. I think today was pretty successful.

Day Fourteen - Love Takes Delight

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just to be together.

Give me your heart … and let your eyes delight in my ways. (Proverbs 23:26)

So I came up with the idea that we could watch a movie. After dinner and putting the kids to bed, usually I get on the computer or do other pointless, mindless things. But I asked Levi if he wanted to watch a movie with me, and he said yes. :) So we made ice cream sundaes, and then he actually sat next to me on the couch! :) I know that sounds really little and insignificant, but we really haven't sat right next to each other on the couch, and just watched TV or even just talked or did nothing like we used to! It was really nice to actually have that time just the two of us.

Day Thirteen - Love Fights Fair

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. – Mark 3:25

So this wasn't too easy, either. Levi and I haven't really been to nice to each other today (he has today off, so we've been home together all day, as well) and when I tried to bring this up, he wouldn't have anything to do with it. So I guess I'm going to be making my own list!

1. Don't bring up the things he's done in the past. I know how much that hurts him.
2. Don't over react.
3. Listen fully to what he has to say before I get mad.
4. Don't mention divorce, leaving or separation just as a way to blow off steam or make him mad.
5. If I feel my anger escalating to a level that's going to get out of hand, just remove myself from the situation, take a breather, and go back willing to listen and compromise.

I hope I can really think about this the next time we have a fight.

Day Twelve - Love Lets The Other Win

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. – Philippians 2:4

So this was arguably the hardest dare so far. I admit that I am a very stubborn person, and neither of us tend to give in when we find ourselves in an argument. I didn't know what to do for this, but the opportunity kind of presented itself. After dinner, he said he was going to go play Black Ops. He did so very cautiously, because he knows that when I have things I want him to do and he runs off to play video games, I get mad. But I simply said (possibly against my better judgment) "okay." He looked at me like I'd just told him something crazy, like that I'm pregnant again or something. He kept saying "Are you sure?" and even once he got upstairs and turned it on, he still even popped his head downstairs and asked "are you sure you're okay with it?" I said "Yep!" So he played. And he's still playing. But I'm trying to do what the dare says - put his preference before mine. And though this isn't really a huge situation, I think it can help me learn to not be so stubborn all the time.

Day Eleven - Love Cherishes

What need does your spouse have that could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

Answering him, Jesus said, “What do you want Me to do for you?” Mark 10:51

So I decided on a back rub. He loves them (apparently I'm a great masseuse) and he's had a sore back the past few days, so I think he'll be appreciative.
I've been trying lately to make dinner/have it ready for him when he comes home. I know he really appreciates a home cooked meal, and he likes eating right when he gets home. He likes to cook dinner a lot, though, so we've also started planning meals and who's cooking when and what we're cooking. This also has a lot of benefits besides not having another thing to fight about - we've eaten SO unhealthy since Rafe was born just out of convinience, but we really need to start eating better. I think this will help (usually when we don't have a plan, we order pizza or go get fast food/take out). And also, it saves money because we're able to plan out what we'll need from the grocery store that week and be able to go buy it without just buying a lot of random things that we may or may not end up using. So some of these dares are really having an impact not just on our relationship, but on all aspects of our life.

Day Ten - Love is Unconditional

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us. – Romans 5:8

So I couldn't sleep last night (or I guess early in the morning) so I went ahead and read the dare for today. I decided to get up early and make him a big breakfast. Usually he just only makes himself some cereal or an egg. But I went all the way - omlette, bacon, toast, etc. He was pretty surprised I got up early to do it! And then just a little bit ago I made his favorite dessert, so I get to surprise him with that after dinner today, too. I'm actually surprised on how easy it's becoming to do nice things like this. I like doing it! I like seeing him happy, excited and surprised by that kind of gesture!

Day Nine - Love Makes Good Impressions

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

Greet one another with a kiss of love. – 1 Peter 5:14

When thinking about this one, I was surprised when I look back at how cold I sometimes greet Levi. And how cold he sometimes greets me. Usually he'll get home from work and I'll just mutter a "hi" or even just ask him if he would do something for me. So I made dinner early, and when he walked in the door I gave him a big hug and kiss, and he didn't have to wait to eat(he's always asking right when he gets home when dinner's ready) :) It really set up a good night instead of us being mad at each other from the second he walked into the door. It's surprising how little things like that can change your whole night.

Day Eight - Love Is Not Jealous

Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. – Song of Solomon 8:6

So I read this, and thought it was kind of weird. But I did it, anyways. First, I lit the corner with a match. It kind of burned slowly, eating away at the edges, blackening them. But as the fire progressed, it got quicker and quicker, so I threw it in the fire. It just disintegrated. And surprisingly, I felt a bit like I'd let those negative things go. Just let them go away from my mind, or that they didn't matter too much anymore. I think I should let them go. Maybe not completely, so that I can share with him more how that stuff makes me feel, but just not let them effect my feelings towards him so much.

Day Seven - Love Believes The Best

For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

If there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Positive:
-He will do whatever need be to make sure that we are provided for.
-He's an amazing father and would do ANYTHING for his boys.
-He has a phenomenal talent with guitar and is a great singer.
-Very aware of other people's feelings.
-Does sweet little things for me(He once gave me a book of TONS of pictures he took of me or of things that reminded him of me and told me that all the things in there are when he thinks I'm the most beautiful/the best. None of them were when I was all done up.)
-Makes sacrifices for the family.
-He's hilarious and can make anyone laugh when they only want to cry.
-He strives to be a better Christian and have God be #1 in his life.
-He's very respectful to others.
-An AMAZING cook.
-Has a lot of determination to do whatever it takes to provide a good life for his family, and has become extremely self-motivated.

Negative:
-Sometimes, Black Ops takes priority over me.
-He doesn't share everything with me because he's afraid it'll hurt me or be a burden. I just want to know what makes him upset.
-Kind of goes with #2, but he's not really 100% honest if I want to know something. It's not that he lies, but he just doesn't tell me the whole truth because he wants to "protect me". He just doesn't realize that it makes me feel awful.

So this dare was pretty interesting. I was surprised how easy I could list off all those great things, and how hard it was to come up with those 3 things. It really made me realize how much I dwell over all those little tiny bad things and don't stop to realize what's really good about him. I have to stop living in the depreciation room.
For the second part of the dare, I decided that I don't tell him how appreciative I am about him making all those sacrifices to go to school/work to take care of us. And how hard it can be sometimes. So during dinner, I just looked at him and said "I just want to thank you so much for making sacrifices for our family, and for working so hard to provide for us. I don't think I tell you enough." He only said, "you're welcome", but the look on his face.. I think he was surprised but happy that I'd said it. I think he just needs to hear that stuff more often. I didn't really realize it until this dare, and I'm really happy that it's making me acknowledge this.

Day Six - Love Is Not Irritable

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life. Things to ponder: Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. -Proverbs 16:32

So I had a few things on my list. First off, I need to quit freaking out about things that I have no control over. It doesn't help anything or any situation. Second, when I was thinking, I realized that I tend to take out all my frustrations from work or the kids or stress or anything like that out on Levi. And that just makes everything bad - it's not his fault some lady at work was rude to me or that Rafe would NOT stop crying all day. Being mad at him does not help whatsoever. Those two things were the biggest, for me. I need to be a bit more flexible, too.

Day Five - Love Is Not Rude

Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.

The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious. (Ecclesiastes 10:12)

So I asked Levi before we went to bed. I'm surprised that he hasn't caught on yet, because he did this to me last year. You'd think he'd recognize all the things I've been doing. The three things he said were; Not being patient whenever he didn't want to talk about things that were bothering me - he'll tell me in his own time. He doesn't like it when I jump to conclusions and think he's doing drugs again or some other whatnot whenever he's not where he says he'll be right at that moment. And lastly, he doesn't like being constantly reminded about tasks that I want done. He hates the nagging and would rather me just write it on a list so it's easy to be kept track of and he'll be more likely to remember. We did have to take a mini-time out because I was starting to get a bit defensive and he got mad because I'd promised that I wouldn't, so yeah. But in the end, it was good and I'm glad I know this straight up because I'll know what to be more careful about.

Day Four - Love Is Thoughtful

Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she
is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them.

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. (Philippians 1:3)

That morning, Levi and I had gotten into a fight - Not really all that bad, but still a fight. I'd stayed up all night with Bentley (sick again!) and I was SO tired, so I asked if he could get up with Rafe, he wouldn't, I got mad, and it all just escalated. So he went to work mad at me, and I wasn't really in a good mood either. But nonetheless, I still called him. He kind of answered all snappy and rude. He didn't even say Hi when he picked up - Just "What." After taking a deep breath so I wouldn't lose my cool, I just asked him you know... Do you want something in particular for dinner? Need anything from the grocery store? Anything you need at all? All the answers were rude no's, but once I said "I love you." before we hung up, he did kind of soften up with his tone and tell me he loves me, too. So day four - done.

Day Three - Love Is Not Selfish

Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says,
“I was thinking of you today.”


Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10

So when I read this dare, I did NOT know what I was going to do. Like, what the heck am I going to buy him? It's not like a man really appreciates flowers or chocolates too much. But I was out at Academy getting my sister some sweat pants for her first cross country match, and on the way out, I grabbed his favorite candy bar. And then I went to Bass Pro Shop to see if they had the jacket I've been wanting, but then I saw it - Levi's favorite jacket that he recently lost. He loved that jacket tons, and when I went to go look at it, it was confirmed - same brand, same color, same everything! So I got it instead of getting the jacket for me. I figure that I can always get it later, and why not get it for him? It'd make him SO happy and it's part of the dare. So when he got home, I went all cheesy and made him close his eyes while standing in our room while I layed it out on the bed with the candy, and when he opened his eyes, the look on his face was PRICELESS! He was SO excited! He put it on straight away, asked how I got it and I told him I found it at the store. And he just wrapped me in a giant bear hug and was like "thank you thank you thank you thank you!" like a little kid. Haha. So far, the Love Dare is going really well. :)
But then again, I still feel like it's still just me doing this stuff to complete the dare, and it's not really all that genuine yet.

Day Two - Love Is Kind.

In addition to saying nothing
negative to your spouse again today,
do at least one unexpected gesture
as an act of kindness.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

So Levi got home from work, and I guess he'd had a kind of rough day because he wasn't acting really all that happy - more so than normal. So he got home and just went into our room because he needed a bit of time to chill out. So I made his favorite meal and dessert for dinner. He came out once I was almost done because he thought he smelled it, and then we ate together. Silently, but we still did. I was kind of mad because he didn't thank me or anything, but I just tried to let it go. Then he was saying that his back hurt because when he was doing some work out in the barn, he thought he pulled something. So I made him a hot bubble bath (hehe) in our tub with the jets, and gave him a back massage. He didn't thank me or anything so I went to bed mad, despite trying to just put it off. But that morning when I was up feeding Rafe around 6 and Levi was leaving for work, he came up behind me, kissed me on the cheek, and said "thank you for everything last night." It just made all those mad feelings disappear. So I think day two was a complete success. :)

(yes, I'm posting way after Day 2, but I'm just writing what all happened. And I'll update daily from now on!)

Day One - Love is Patient.

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2


So today, I refrained from complaining about these things:
-His excessive Black Ops playing
-Leaving the toilet seat up
-Not cleaning up after he makes breakfast for himself.
Now, I know that may seem really small, but I complain about that stuff ALL the time, and I know it annoys him. So even though I really really wanted to say stuff and make him clean it up or stop, I didn't. And even though he didn't hardly notice (or at least he didn't say anything) but I hope it still did something. And I didn't say anything negative or naggy today, either. I'm proud. :)
It was really hard to bite my tongue when I wanted to say something, though. Harder than I thought it would be when I initially read today's dare.

Day One - Complete!

Intro.

"Receive this as a warning.

This forty day journey cannot
be taken lightly.

It is a challenging and often
difficult process, but an incredibly
fulfilling one. To take this dare
requires a resolute mind and a
steadfast determination.

It is not meant to be sampled or briefly
tested, and those who quit early will
forfeit the greatest benefits. If you
will commit to a day at a time for forty
days, the results could change your
life and your marriage.

Consider it a dare, from others
who have done it before you.


I met Levi in my 6th grade math class. He was twelve. I was eleven. I hated math. It was his favorite subject. As sixth grade went on, me and my best friends, Pheonix and Miranda, and him and his best friend Michael all became extremely close friends. The five of us were together all the time, since Michael, Miranda and I lived in the same neighborhood and Levi and Pheonix lived in the neighborhood that connected to ours. We worked on homework together, played baseball and kickball outside all the time. As we grew older, the world changed around us. The innocence in 6th grade changed. Circumstances happened. Soon we were sophomores, and I went through some very tough things that fall. Levi was there for me, and he asked me out on February 16, 2008. He had originally planned to ask me out on Valentine's day, but he was too nervous. It was a simple, innocent note. Like the one he'd passed to me as a joke the week we first met. "Friend or Girlfriend? Check yes or no." Since we'd been friends for so long, we kind of skipped that questions and i-like-you-but-don't-really-know-you-well stage. We were serious pretty fast, but never "too" serious, if you know what I mean. Things between us were amazing - until September of '08. Our friend JT and I were in a car crash. I was fine - minor cuts and bruises, a sprained wrist and some slightly bruised ribs. But JT... He didn't do so well. He received the brunt of the accident, and he was in really bad shape. Levi didn't handle it well at all and turned to drugs. And to top it all off, in November I found out I was pregnant. Things in our relationship were a roller coaster at first, until it finally just because a downward spiral. Relapse after relapse. Fight after fight. Finally, around June, things slowed down. Our relationship was good again, and our baby was born July 5, 2009 at 5:11pm. He weighed in at 7lbs8oz and measured 20 inches long - Bentley Michael. He gave both of us the determination and reason to keep our relationship going. But even that didn't keep up. He relapsed again and again. Countless promises to stay clean. We broke up and got back together. Finally, in late April, I had enough and left for good. But so did Levi - he finally got help. He wanted to be the father that Bentley deserved and the boyfriend that I needed. While he was gone, I found out I was pregnant again. When Levi got back, we got married. June 26th, 2010. Our marriage is still young, but after all we've been through, it seems like it's been forever. Our second child, another boy named Rafe Andrew, was born December 7th, 2010 at 3:45pm. He weighed 8lbs1oz and measured 21 inches. Lately we've been fighting, and I worry we'll go down that road we were on before. On the first 40 days of our marriage, Levi did this dare to me. So now, I feel like it's my turn. I'm really hoping that God can continue to show us the path we're supposed to be on, and that we can strengthen our relationship even more and be able to have a stable, drama-free relationship. We've already worked so hard at it, and I refuse to just give up now. This is my journey.
-Aussie